Chaplain’s Word
Small things make big differences
Have you ever been in a committed and loving relationship? Do you remember the exact time and day that you actually fell in love?
Chances are, you probably don’t. Can you recall the one reason that made you fall in love? You probably can’t recall “the one reason.”
However, even though I may not know you, I can tell you that you fell in love for multiple reasons and not just one big gesture at one exact time.
Developing intimacy in a relationship is a process of time and effort spent with one another as you get to know the depths of one another’s character.
If you ask my wife, she will tell you it was the small things that I consistently did that persuaded her love for me in a big way. It wasn’t the dozen roses and balloons on Valentine’s Day that won her over. It wasn’t the first fancy dinner that “wooed” her love for me. Like many of the couples that I have had the chance to speak with, most of us can attest that it is the consistent small things that have caused us to fall for one another.
As the months progress in developing a healthy relationship, you begin to notice the small pieces of life that display each other’s favorable character traits. It may have been the simpler things like paying more attention to your partner’s eyes during conversations than being distracted by your phone. Maybe opening a door and guiding him or her through the door with your hand on the small of his or her back. Perhaps it was when he or she refreshed your drink without being asked when your partner just got up to get a refill for themselves. During an embarrassing moment, taking the time to be silly and laugh it off together instead of passing judgmental eyes. Until one day, you just realize that you are beginning to fall for him or her. You have this crazy notion that you may very well be able to spend the rest of your life with this person.
The test of time is what normally magnifies the unfavorable character flaws in our companion that begin to bother us. After a few years when the “honey moon” phase of a marriage starts to dwindle, it is then a matter of intentional effort to choose to love each other. It is an individual’s choice to be consistent in doing the small things in life that make big differences in our love relationship.
What are the small things for your relationship? If you’re like me, your efforts are well-intended but you may want some additional tools to put in your tool box.
It almost goes without saying that healthy communication is vital to any successful relationship. There are various techniques that allow us to be better communicators, but one of my personal favorites that we use in our marriage enrichment retreats and workshops are the “speaker listener technique.” Another that you may have heard of is Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.” This particular communication tool is a game-changer for many marriages as it equips you to learn your spouse’s unique way of feeling loved. Without going too in-depth, the five love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. These are just a few things that we can add to our tool boxes that can be the small things in life that make big differences in our love relationship.
While many of us are well-intended, we all need to utilize the right tools for the job within the love relationships in our lives.
Commit with me to consistently do the small things in life that make big differences.